Sunday, August 19, 2012

the graduate wife

It's about to get real here, again.

Being the wife of a graduate student isn't easy.  People don't understand when I say that John worked all weekend.  And by all weekend I mean, often the only time we get together during a weekend is dinner and a Redbox movie on a Saturday night and he works during the movie.  It's no joke when I tell people that when we first moved here and John started school (at that time he was enrolled in classes and doing research) I pretty much didn't have a husband.  He worked all the time.  He ate dinner in his (home) office.  During the semester of his quals (qualifying exams: tests/presentations/and the like that PhD students have to endure just to make sure they're "fit for the program") I could count on my two hands how many times we ate dinner together.  It's just a different world, y'all.  And up until I met my friend Anna there was no one to talk to about it, no one that actually understood.  It's nice now to have her and another friend who has lived through it and is now on the other side.  But it can still feel extremely isolating.  Like when you clean your house and run errands all day by yourself (cough cough, what I did today).  And you don't want to ask for recognition for those menial tasks because HELLO he's upstairs working on all his work stuff (technical terms here, people) the entire time and then he'll still be doing it long after you go to bed.  That's just how it is.  And it has taken awhile to accept that.  But back to what I was is isolating and super lonely sometimes.  Which is why I'm a little pissed at myself right now.  Because I just googled "graduate school wives" and up pops a blog about women who are married to grad students and are sharing their experiences.  I mean really?  Why didn't I do that earlier?  I'm hoping that it will be a promising blog (I've only scanned a few posts because it's nearly my bedtime) and that I can feel connected to this community of women.  I've already teared up at some of the things just scanning.  And then I came across this article and no, John isn't in chiropractic school but everything that it said rang true to my heart and I just cried a little in front of my computer.  I'm not saying any of this for sympathy, trust me.  I'm just putting it out there for the other graduate school wives that may find this and for anyone who knows one, maybe pass that blog along.  It may be helpful and hopefully they'll find a little encouragement.

1 comment:

Anna said...

LOVES! I'm glad we're in it together and I love the website you shared. It's perfect.

For the record, I appreciate you:) I would NOT have lasted this long without your cheerfulness and support!